OVERLOOKED FAT LOSS FACTORS

We're often told that losing weight is a simple mathematical equation of calories in, calories out. Burn more calories than you eat and you’ll lose fat. However, is it really that simple? The truth is that the actual “number” of calories you consume is not the only factor that affects your fat-loss efforts. In this article, we’ll discuss five other things that should be considered when determining the effect of your diet on your waistline, primarily overlooked fat loss factors. Incorporate this knowledge into your workout and nutrition routines and soon you'll be ripped like Ryan Reynolds -- and attracting the Angelina Jolies and Kim Kardashians of the gym for it.

1- The thermic effect of the food you eat
The thermic effect of food (TEF) measures the amount of energy that is required to support the processes of digesting, absorbing and assimilating food nutrients as well as the energy expended as a result of the central nervous system's stimulatory effect on metabolism when food is ingested. Of the three macronutrients, protein carries the highest thermic effect. Eat more protein; burn more calories.

2- The fiber content of the food you eat
Due to its chemical makeup, fiber is classified as a carbohydrate; however, it is unlike other carbohydrates in that it is an indigestible nutrient. Even though each gram of fiber contains four calories, these calories will remain undigested and will not be absorbed. Therefore, if you were to consume 300 calories of red beans (a food in which nearly 1/3 of the caloric content is from fiber), approximately 100 of these calories would pass through your intestinal tract undigested.

3- The glycemic and insulin indices of the food you eat
The glycemic and insulin indices are scaled numbers that refer to how quickly a particular carbohydrate source enters the bloodstream as sugar and how much insulin is needed to rid that sugar from the bloodstream, respectively. Generally speaking, there is a positive relationship between the two; the quicker sugar enters the bloodstream, the more insulin is needed to rid that sugar from the bloodstream. When high levels of insulin are present within the blood, fat burning is brought to a screeching halt, which is anything but desirable for those whose goal it is to obtain a lean, muscular physique. Don't let this be an overlooked fat loss factor.

4- The different macronutrients present in the food you eat
Although insulin's primary function is to shuttle glucose (sugar) into skeletal muscle, it also carries many other nutrients to their respective storage sites -- this includes lipids (fat). Since carbohydrate ingestion stimulates a large insulin response and fat ingestion gives rise to blood lipid levels, when the two are consumed together, they promote the greatest fat storage.

5- The size, frequency and time of the meals you eat
Large, infrequent meals tend to promote storage of the ingested nutrients, as the body is unsure as to when the next feeding will take place. Conversely, consuming smaller, more frequent meals will result in an increase in metabolism and utilization of the ingested nutrients. Also, ingesting a large amount of carbohydrates before bed spikes insulin, deters nocturnal thermogenesis and increases fat storage during sleep. On the contrary, consuming a great deal of calories early in the day does not bring about this problem; rather, these calories are likely to be used as energy to support daily activities.

By Joel Marion
Fitness Expert

7 Quick Ways to Calm Down

Anxiety zappers that can rescue you from daily stresses

By Therese J. Borchard

1. Walk Away
Know your triggers. If a conversation about global warming, consumerism, or the trash crisis in the U.S. is overwhelming you, simply excuse yourself. If you're noise-sensitive and the scene at Toys-R-Us makes you want to throw whistling Elmo and his buddies across the store, tell your kids you need a time-out. (Bring along your husband or a friend so you can leave them safely, if need be.) My great-aunt Gigi knew her trigger points, and if a conversation or setting was getting close to them, she simply put one foot in front of another, and departed.

2. Close Your Eyes
Gently let the world disappear, and go within to regain your equilibrium. Ever since my mom came down with blepharospasm (a neurological tick of the eyelid), I've become aware of how important shutting our eyes is to the health of the nervous system. The only treatment available for this disorder is to have surgery that permanently keeps your eyelids open (you need to moisten them with drops, etc.). Such a condition would be living hell for my mom, because in closing her eyes she regains her balance and proper focus.
The only time I recommend not using this technique is on the road (if you're driving).

3. Find Some Solitude
This can be challenging if you are at work, or at home with kids as creative and energetic as mine. But we all need some private time to let the nervous system regenerate.
I must have known this back in college, because I opted for a tiny single room (a nun's closet, quite literally), rather than going in on a larger room with a closet big enough to store my sweaters. When three of my good friends begged me to go in with them on a killer quad, I told them, "Nope. Can't do it. Need my alone time, or else none of you would want to be around me. Trust me."
My senior year I went to the extent of pasting black construction paper on the window above my door so no one would know if I was there, in order to get the hours of solitude that I needed.Be creative. Find your space. Any way you can. Even it involves black construction paper.

4. Go Outside
This is a true lifesaver for me. I need to be outside for at least an hour every day to get my sanity fix. Granted, I'm extremely lucky to be able to do so as a stay-at-home mom. But I think I would somehow work it into my schedule even if I had to commute into the city every day. Even if I'm not walking or running or biking or swimming, being outside calms me in a way that hardly anything else can. With an hour of nature, I go from being a bossy, opinionated, angry, cynical, uptight person into a bossy, opinionated, cynical, relaxed person. And that makes the difference between having friends and a husband to have dinner with and a world that tells me to go eat a frozen dinner by myself because they don't want to catch whatever grumpy bug I have.

5. Find Some Water
While watching Disney's "Pocahontas" the other day with my daughter Katherine (yes, I do get some of my best insights from cartoons), I observed the sheer joy the main character shows upon paddling down the river, singing about how she is one with the water. It reminded me of how universal the mood effects of water are, and how healing. On the rainy or snowy days that I can't walk the double stroller over to our local creeks, I do something the global-warming guys say not to; take a long shower, imagining that I am in the middle of a beautiful Hawaiian rain forest."Water helps in many ways," writes Elaine Aron. "When overaroused, keep drinking it--a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons."

6. Breathe Deeply
Breathing is the foundation of sanity, because it is the way we provide our brain and every other vital organ in our body with the oxygen needed for us to survive. Breathing also eliminates toxins from our systems. Years ago, I learned the "Four Square" method of breathing to reduce anxiety:
1. Breathe in slowly to a count of four.
2. Hold the breath for a count of four.
3. Exhale slowly through pursed lips to a count of four.
4. Rest for a count of four (without taking any breaths).
5. Take two normal breaths.
6. Start over again with number one.

7. Listen to Music
Across the ages, music has been used to soothe and relax. During the worst months of my depression, I blared the soundtrack of "The Phantom of the Opera." Pretending to be the phantom with a cape and a mask, I twirled around our living room, swinging my kids in my arms. I belted out every word of "The Music of the Night."
"Softly, deftly, music shall caress you, Feel it, hear it, secretly possess you...."
The gorgeous song--like all good music--could stroke that tender place within me that words couldn't get to.

'Met Lebaran

Lihat Kartu Ucapan Lainnya
(KapanLagi.com)

Nicky Astria Songs

All about her songs I love it

Mengapa

Mengapa kau pergi
Mengapa kau kecewakan
Mengapa kau hancuri
Mengapa kau menghinakan
Mengapa kau sakiti
Mengapa kau melukakan
Mengapa kau memberi
Mengapa kau melupakan
Mengapa kau akhiri
Mengapa Kau Melupakan
Dengan getaran jiwa
Kukemukakan pertanyaan

Tak ingin kau pergi
Tak ingin kudikecewakan
Tak ingin cinta dinodai
Tak ingin dihancurkan

Tak ingin kudisakiti
Tak ingin kudilukakan
Tak ingin ku kau kuberi
Bila kau melupakan

Tak ingin ku di akhiri
Bila kau memuliakan dengan perasaan
Hampaku meminta jawaban

Reff#

Di kananku cinta penuh bermadu
Di kiriku racunmu
Kalimah sakti yang mana untukku
Dapat kau membuat pilihan
Agar kita dapat bersama

Kau..bisa membahagiakan menceriakan
Kau..bisa menggembirakan mempesonakan
Aku?ingin dicintaimu dan mencintai
Aku?ingin bila terjaga kau di sampingku S'lamanya

Semoga cinta bersemi
Semoga cintamu kan dekat padaku
Asmara kan mengundang
Tanpa mengira waktu bertahta di hatimu dan di hatiku

Samar Bayangan

Langkah semakin hilang jejak
Dihembus angin duka
Kini tinggal samar bayangan
Tak bisa lagi berdiri
'Tuk menatang cinta ini
Mengapa harus ku sendiri pertahankan
Cinta yang berdarah ini oh...

Hati masih merindu sedih
Walau hujan berapi
Membakar di bumi hatiku
Andainya putus katamu
Ingin pergi dariku cuma
Kau menyesali

Segalanya akan aku tempuhi
Biar pun sejuta duri
Menikam bisa hatiku
Menusuk pilu kalbuku
Akan aku teguh berdiri lagi oh..
Biarkanlah diriku sendiri
Hadapi kelukaan ini
'Kan ku sambut airmata ini
Walaupun pedihnya tiada terperi

Langkah semakin hilang jejak
Dihembus angin luka
Kini tinggal samar bayangan
Andainya putus katamu pergi
Tinggalkan daku cuma
Usahlah kau menyesali lagi

Karena Ketulusan

Haruskah kuberharap kasihku kan kembali oh
Walau dia ingkar
Haruskah kumerawat cinta yang dia tanam oh
Walau dia dusta

Mungkinkah keinginan kan dapat terlupakan oh
Karena doa oh karena ketulusan
Cinta memang tuk dijalani
Bahkan juga tuk dinikmati
Namu harusnya kuyakin akan kodratnya
Oh oh perlu kupikirkan
Oh oh perlu kurenungkan

Cinta suci ada dalam hati
Kasih murni ada dalam jiwa

Kemana

Terkadang kumerasa sia-sialah semua kujalani
Tiada titik terang yang menyinari
Setiap langkah yang kutempuh selalu gelap kelam
Kemana kan kucari seberkas cahaya yang menerangi jalan
Gairah di hatiku semakin pudar
Semakin tiada berdaya untuk tegar kembali

Kemana lagi akan kucari
Bila harapan tiada lagi
Akankah engkau dapat memberi kekuatan diri
Kembali di hati ini sebelum kuterkulai mati

Oh Tuhan tunjukkan jalan yang benar
Agar aku tak gelap mata

Matahari Dan Rembulan

Lingkaran api cinta
Aku terkurung sendiri
Tak ada jalan keluar
Dinding ini terlalu tebal untuk dihancurkan
Aku jatuh cinta lagi .. yeah
Ingin kuberhentikan tetapi sia-sia
Kapan berakhir ...

Selalu ada jalan keluar
Cintakan membimbingku
Suara angin terdegar di kejauhan
Di tengah keheningan menghampiriku saat sendiri
Matahari dan rembulan
Berkejaran ingin berpelukan

Misteri Cinta

Kala cinta berlabuh di dermaga
Kutelusuri karang terjal berliku
Tak perduli nasib yang melukai
Aku pasrah dalam rangkulnya

Bila cinta berlumur dusta
Aku tenggelam dalam keruhnya
Sebab dia memeri ceria
Walau dia perih menyalibku

Pedihnya kemesraan yang dalam
Ada luka karena tingkahnya
Tetes darah di atas suka cita
Adalah suka lara di atas getarnya

Aku menjadi bulan atas riaknya
Aku menjadi bintang di atas gelombang
Aku jadi segala yang diinginkannya
Untuk didamparkan di pantai ini

Panggung Sandiwara

Dunia ini panggung sandiwara
Cerita yang mudah berubah
Kisah Mahabarata atau tragedi dari Yunani
Setiap kita dapat satu peranan
Yang harus kita mainkan
Ada peran wajar ada peran berpura pura

Mengapa kita bersandiwara
Mengapa kita bersandiwara

Peran yang kocak bikin kita terbahak bahak
Peran bercinta bikin orang mabuk kepayang
Dunia ini penuh peranan
Dunia ini bagaikan jembatan kehidupan

Mengapa kita bersandiwara
Mengapa kita bersandiwara

Dunia ini penuh peranan
Dunia ini bagaikan jembatan kehidupan

Mengapa kita bersandiwara

Pantai

Kala cinta berlabuh di dermaga
Kutelusuri padang terjal berliku
Tak perduli pasir yang melukai
Aku terjatuh dalam keangkuhan

Bila cinta berlumut dusta
Aku terpana dalam belaian
Sebab cinta memberi sinar
Untuk kutancapkan di pantai ini

Pedihnya kemesraan yang dalam
Adalah luka karena tikamnya
Tetes darah di atas suka cita
Adalah sukarela di atas besarnya

Aku menjadi bintang ...
Aku menjadi bulan di atas gelombang
Aku menjadi sgala yang diinginkannya
Untuk didamparkan di pantai ini

Gelombang Kehidupan

Di antara debar jantungku
Dan di antara denyut nadiku
Gejolak dalam dada terasa membara
Semakin jelas rinduku bergelora

Menepis segala yang berbau logika
Keangkuhan tak lagi kuasa
Melepasakan jerat kasih asmara
Rasa rinduku kini kian menggebu
Menyesakkan dada hingga siksa bagiku

Ingin kuberlari menggapai bayangmu
Agar kudapat kembali bersama dengan dirimu
Menerjang deras gelombang dalam kehidupan
Detik-detik terus berlalu

Gejolak rinduku terasa dan nyata
Dan mencengkram jiwa tanpa kuberdaya
Semakin lama kurasakan
Semakin jelas rinduku bergelora

Menepis segala yang berbau logika
Ingin kugapai bayang-bayang dirimu
Agar kudapat kembali bersama dengan dirimu
Terjang deras gelombang kehidupan

Biar Semua Hilang

Akhirnya, semua telah sirna
Getar asmara pun pudar di dalam dada
Di antara kita t'lah tak ada
Rasa saling seiya sekata

Hari ini atau esok lusa
Kita 'kan berpisah untuk s'lama-lamanya
Agar tak 'kan lagi kurasa
Duka derita hidup bersama

Usah lagi, perpisahan jadi beban di hati
Tak 'kan lagi....ada harapan kita 'tuk kembali

Biar semua hilang bagai mimpi-mimpi
Biar semua hilang usah kau sesali

Jarum Neraka

Jarum jarum setan menghujam urat nadi
Wajahmu memucat darah membeku lagi
Kini kuterpaksa namun kutak kuasa
Dirimu terancam dalam bahaya

Jarum jarum setan bisa mencabut nyawa
Bila kau coba berhenti memakainya
Tanpa kau sadari tanpa engkau rasakan
kau bunuh dirimu secara perlahan

Tak seorangpun yang bisa bikin
Engkau berhenti
Bila lau mau yang bisa hanya
Dirimu..dirimu sendiri

Jiwamu selalu dalam bahaya
Terancam setan jarum neraka
Jiwamu terancam dalam bahaya
Terancam setan jarum neraka

Jarum neraka

Gairah Jiwa

Kemanapun kakiku melangkah
Hanya gelap yang slalu mengiringiku
Suara hati memacu langkahku menggapaimu
Kau bagaikan seberkas cahaya
Walupun jarak dan waktuku
Membatasi gejolak jiwaku

Biarkanlah cinta bersemi lagi menghalau kehidupan
Biarkanlah semua bangkitkan lagi
Gairah dan harapanku bersamamu
Ku tak ingin terulang kembali masa lalu
Yang penuh duka dan berliku
Walupun perih dalam dada
Janganlah membuatku tenggelam
Jalan yang panjang harus kutempuh
Bersamamu menerjang badai

Bias Sinar

Ku duduk sendiri
kuterpaku digelapnya malam
ku tatap ke depan
semakin gelap celah kehidupan

begitu banyak rintangan
yang menghalangi pandang mataku
tiada lagi cahaya
yang kan terangi mata hatiku

bias sinar
kapankah kau datang kembali lagi
bias sinar
kan terangi kembali hati ini
dari kegelapan

dari dinginnya malam
membangkitkan kenangan yang lama
seakan terasa belai
lembut hangatkan jiwa

namun semuanya tlah musnah
laryt bersama dinginnya malam
tiada lagi terangmu
yang menerangi lubuk hatiku

bias sinar
kapankah kau datang kembali lagi
bias sinar
kan terangi kembali hati ini
dari kegelapan

All about Love All about Life

5 Foods for Healthier Skin

You can invest half your paycheck in serums and creams - even splurge on dermal fillers and pricey facials - but none of it will get you far without a skin-friendly diet. Of course, your skin (and the rest of you, for that matter) is best served by a well-rounded diet, including healthy fats, sufficient protein, and lots of fruits and vegetables. But there are a few nutritional standouts that make particularly important contributions to strong, glowing skin:

1. Fish: Fatty fish like salmon, tilapia, and cod are rich in omega-3 fatty acids. And that's a good thing, because our bodies cannot produce those essential lipids naturally. By adding omega-3s to your diet, though, you can bolster your skin barrier - that is, the layer of lipids that holds onto moisture and keeps irritants out. There is even evidence that the skin-strengthening effects of omega-3s can improve chronic skin conditions like rosacea and atopic dermatitis, but more research is necessary to confirm that link. Furthermore, many types of fish (like, once again, salmon and cod) are rich in vitamin D - as dermatologists increasingly emphasize sun avoidance, we also need to emphasize the importance of finding other sources of this vitamin, which is produced during sun exposure. Don't eat fish? Many eggs are now fortified with omega-3 fatty acids, and plant sources include flax seed and flax seed oil, walnuts, pecans, and hazelnuts. And a daily vitamin D supplement is a good idea for vegans and meat-eaters alike.

2. Green Tea:
It's inexpensive, easy to add to your routine, and one of the best-researched and most powerful antioxidants around. That's why green tea is my go-to antioxidant: I drink at least three cups a day to fight aging and inflammation. Some studies even suggest that the antioxidants in green tea reduce one's risk of skin cancer. So put down that soda and start drinking your way to healthier skin!

3. Broccoli:
Rich in vitamins A, C, and K (among many other nutrients), this veggie does more than its fair share of nutritional work. Vitamin A decreases oil production, vitamin C is a powerful antioxidant, and vitamin K can help prevent bruises. So whatever ails you, this green wonderfood might be just what the doctor ordered.

4. Safflower or Sunflower Oil:
Omega-3s get a lot more talk, but omega-6 fatty acids - like the linoleic acid in these two oils - are also important for healthy skin. Like omega-3s, they help prevent dry skin and inflammation; they're also essential for the formation of prostaglandins, hormones that keep all the cells of the body functioning well. While many diets are actually quite high in omega-6s - sometimes even too high - the key is to get the good ones and not unhealthy versions, like hydrogenated oils. So try sautéing your salmon or broccoli in a little safflower or sunflower oil and double those skin-soothing benefits!

5. Almonds:
When it comes to boosting skin's defenses against aging, inflammation, and even skin cancer, antioxidants are so important that I'm going to add another to my list: A handful of almonds every day boosts your levels of vitamin E, one of the most important antioxidants for skin health. Studies also suggest that consuming vitamin E orally can increase the levels of this moisturizing vitamin on your skin's surface - great news for anyone prone to dry skin.

Wishing you better in life

Zero Mind

One moment in time .....
no sense, no feel
no sadness, no happiness
no love, no laugh
no hate, no cry

No will, no want, no hope
Nothing all

But ........

Just one in my deepest hearth
............................................................

Six Self Motivation Techniques

Do you find that you have a lack of self motivation at times? You can learn a hundred ways to improve your life, but then hesitate to act. Something less important catches your attention, or you just don't feel like doing what you need to do. Even if you are normally a motivated person, there may be times when you have a hard time getting started on an important task.

There is a solution. Actually, there are probably dozens of solutions. Here are six of the best. These are self-motivation techniques that work for others. Try them, and if you find even one or two here that work for you, you'll be on your way.

Six Self Motivation Techniques

1. Find a true interest in what you are doing. If you have no interest at all, it might mean you need to do something else. On the other hand, if it's just a task you dislike, relate it clearly in your mind to the greater goal. I don't particularly like to drive, but I don't have a motivation problem when I am driving to the mountains for a vacation.

2. Create energy. You need some energy for self motivation. Caffeine may help for a while, if it doesn't create other problems for you. You can also exercise and sleep well. Watch out for sugary foods - the "sugar blues" will kill your motivation. When you find energy boosters that work for you, make a list and keep it handy for future use.

3. Talk your way to motivation. This is one of my favorite ways to create energy and motivation. By the time I tell my wife about the article I'm going to write, I'm out of my slump and back at the keyboard. If the task itself is less inspiring, talk about the larger goals it will help you achieve.

4. Stimulate desire. Imagining their potential future motivates many to sign up for get-rich-quick plans. Good salesmen can put you in your imagined dream home in minutes, and you'll feel motivated to do anything to make it real. Why not learn to be your own salesman?

5. Stimulate pain. An effective Neuro-Linguistic Programming technique is to link pain with not acting. This is what happens when you finally stop hitting that snooze button on the alarm because you think you

might lose your job. Imagine any bad consequences that may occur if you don't do what you need to do.

6. Start with any small step. I have found that if I commit to raking up one bag of leaves, I soon want to finish the yard work. Training yourself to take any small step towards your goals is a great self motivation technique. Breaking larger goals down into small steps makes this even easier.

These motivation techniques really work, but don't ask me how to get motivated to use them. Anyhow, you already were motivated enough to read this far, so you'll be fine. Oh, and humor is technique number seven. Laughing can overcome that feeling of being overwhelmed that sucks away self motivation

http://www.increasebrainpower.com/self-motivation.html

Understanding Needs

UNDERSTANDING NEEDS

We need to understand and communicate our needs. At the same time, it is important to be able to hear, and if possible, respond to the other?s needs.
The following exercise in examining needs will help.

SOME NEEDS WE MIGHT HAVE

FROM THE OTHER

Mark your needs and add others you would like to be respected or fulfilled in this relationship.

1. Love (or greater expression of it)
2. Respect
3. Understanding (of what?)
4. Acceptance as we are
5. Acknowledgement and affirmation
6. Trust
7. Freedom to think and function as we believe and in accordance with our needs
8. A peaceful environment
9. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of our abilities and powers
10. To be listened to without hearing criticism or advice.
11. Satisfaction with us.
12. Inspiration
13. To be just with us - to behave toward us as he or she would like us to behave toward him of her
14. To agree with our beliefs and ideals or at least accept and respect them
15. To express his or her true feelings, needs and beliefs
16. Freedom of movement
17. To keep our agreements
18. To have patience with our weaknesses
19. To be supported during difficult moments
20. To express gratitude for all we offer him or her
21. To acknowledge our positive qualities
22. To be able to be alone when we do not feel well or when we have the need.
23. To get out more often
24. To get more rest
25. To be given more help in the chores
26. For greater attention when we speak
27. To do more things together
28. For greater responsibility on his or her part
29. To be on time
30. To receive more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness
31. To be able to behave as we like in our home.
32. To take care of him/her self.
For romantic relationships:
33. Affection and erotic contact.
34. To be sexually devoted to only us

Other___________________________________

Consider which needs might be behind the following:

Your complaining
Your criticism
Your impatience
Your refusal to cooperate
Your reactions
Your conflicts and arguments
The games you play
Your competitiveness
Your teaching and sermonizing
Your anger

Now place a special mark next to those needs that in your perception are not being fulfilled enough in your relationship.
Having done so, seek to discover whether your lesson is to:
1. Express these needs more dynamically through I-messages
2. Get free from the needs
3. Get free from subconscious beliefs (fears, guilt) that prevent you from manifesting this need
4. Some combination of the above.

According to what you find, then employ affirmations for each obstacle towards any of these four possible lessons so that you can move forward.

According to your discoveries, make a plan for proceeding toward a happier reality.

Tuning into the other?s needs.
Mark what you believe to be the other?s needs

1. Love (or greater expression of it)
2. Respect
3. Understanding (of what?)
4. To accept them as they are
5. Acknowledgement and affirmation
6. Trust
7. Freedom to think and function as they believe and in accordance with their needs
8. A peaceful environment
9. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of their abilities and powers
10. To be listened to them without hearing criticizing or advice
11. To be satisfied with them
12. To inspire them
13. To be just with them ? for us to behave toward them as we would like them to behave toward us
14. To agree with their beliefs and ideals or at least accept and respect them
15. To express our true feelings, needs and beliefs
16. Freedom of movement
17. To keep our agreements
18. To have patience with their weaknesses
19. To be support them during difficult moments
20. To express gratitude for all that they offer us
21. To acknowledge their positive qualities
22. To be able to be alone when they do not feel well or when they have the need
23. To get out more often
24. To get more rest
25. To receive more help in the chores
26. To be given greater attention when they speak
27. To do more things together
28. For greater responsibility on our part
29. To be on time
30. To receive more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness
31. To behave as they like in the home and elsewhere
32. For us to take care of ourselves
For romantic relationship partners
33 Affection and erotic contact
34. To be sexually devoted to only them

Other___________________________________

You might also want to consider which needs might be behind the other?s:

Complaining
Criticism
Impatience
Refusal to cooperate
Reactions
Conflicts and arguments
Games he or she plays
Competitiveness
Teaching and sermonizing
Anger

Now place a special mark on the other?s needs that you consider to be the least satisfied by yourself in this relationship. Then consider possible lessons:
1. To feel okay even if your loved one?s need is not satisfied
2. To free yourself from any obstacles that keep you from satisfying your loved one?s needs
3. To communicate more effectively about this through I-messages and active listening
4. To find practical solutions so you both can be happy
5. Some combination of the above

Once you have made your discoveries, move forward to employing affirmations for any emotions which might obstruct you from lovingly satisfy the other?s needs or getting free from guilt that he or she is not satisfied. Also as mentioned above, work on any difficulties if communicating on this problem.

If we care for our bodies and minds,
they will care for us.

Manifesting Our Inner Potential

MANIFESTING OUR
INNER POTENTIAL

Self Limiting Elephants

Elephants born in captivity are restrained by a chain that attaches one leg to a metal spike driven into the ground. This prevents them from roaming. They become accustomed to the fact that, as long as the chain and spike are next to them, they are unable to move.

As they grow older, their minds become programmed. When they see the spike and chain, they "believe" and accept that they will not be able to move. They become so conditioned that when their owners place a small rope and wooden peg next to them, they make no effort to step away from it, because they "believe" they are unable to.
In truth, their actual power as adults is so great that they could easily pull up a chain and spike of any size. Their programming or "belief," however, allows this tiny rope and wooden peg to limit their movement.

We are all very much like these elephants. We allow the weaknesses, fears and rejection we experienced as children to program us into a life in which we lack power, peace, love and happiness. We become controlled by false childhood assumptions we have made about our ability, strength and self worth.

We can move away from these "pegs" of self-limitation, but we must chose to do so.

The Lion Cub

The story about the lion cub more graphically describes this process.
Once there was a great lioness that went hunting with her newborn cub. While chasing and attacking a flock of sheep, the she-lion made a wrong move, fell off a cliff and died.

The cub was left without a mother and grew up in the midst of the sheep. As the years passed, the cub became a full-grown lion, but it was instinctually conditioned to behave as a sheep. It ate grass, made a bleating sound, and just like the sheep, developed a fear of all other animals.

One day, another lion attacked the flock, and in the chase, was shocked to see the ridiculous sight of a full grown lion running away with the sheep bleating "bah bah" in fear.

He caught up to the sheepish lion, and asked, "What are you doing? Why are you acting in this ridiculous way? You a great, powerful lion acting like a lowly powerless sheep? What has come over you? You should be ashamed of yourself."
The sheepish lion explained that he was a sheep, and that the flock had taught him to fear and bleat and run in horror from the powerful lions.
The adult lion took the sheepish lion down to the river and asked him to look at the reflection of his own face. He saw that he was like the lion and not like the sheep. The lion then woke up from its ignorance and discovered its previously ignored inner courage, strength and majesty.

We are like the sheepish lion. The sheep represent our human nature, our personality, which moans, fears, complains and worries. The Lion is the spiritual aspect of our being, which is a source of great power, wisdom, creativity, goodness and love.
Great spiritual teachers have appeared throughout history with the same message of our "LION NATURE", the untapped spiritual power and greatness that dwells within us.

Our Life Purpose

Our life purpose is to manifest our unlimited inner power, beauty, creativity and love. We will never feel totally satisfied until we fulfill this inner need to become who we really are. Just as every flower feels a basic need to bring forth its flowers and fruits, we too have an abundance of gifts to bring forth to the world around us. We can do this in many ways.

What are your challenges, which you would like to meet today with greater confidence in your inner power and ability to cope?

1. Dealing more positively with a relationship problem?
2. Healing yourself from an illness or weakness in the body?
3. Dealing with the loss of or separation from a loved one?
4. Solving an economic problem?
5. Bringing up children with love and wisdom?
6. Manifesting social changes?
7. Facing death with inner peace when the time comes?
8. Forgiving someone?
9. Confronting fears?
10. Transforming our belief system.
11. Coping with a law case or some injustice?
12. Creating something that requires all your inner resources?
13. Finishing school?
14. Making a new step in life?
15. Making an important decision?

Whatever our present challenges might be, we need to move forward and meet them on all levels with self-confidence, self-esteem, humility, love and clarity. In addition, we need to be detached from the final outcome. It is the motive and effort which count and not the result.

We will also need to develop patience and perseverance.
We must preserver while also being patient for the results.

Finding Our Life Purpose

Finding Our Life Purpose

BASIC FOR OUR HAPPINESS

Each of us has incarnated to play a specific. When we find our special role and play it with love, we experience contentment and happiness. When we lose contact with our life purpose, or do not have the courage to live it, we experience discontent and sometimes depression.

WE MAY NEED TO MAKE CHOICES

In some cases, we may need to make choices between the following:

• Money or meaningfulness
• Comfort or creativity
• Security or evolution
• Social "success" or social responsibility
• Superficial happiness or real inner contentment
• Satisfying othersÕ expectations or our own inner voice or wisdom.
  
  
  Let us examine what we can do to regain contact with our life purpose.

1. Freedom From Social Programming

We need to free ourselves from our social conditioning concerning what kind of work has value. We need to be free to select the type of work and life style which suits us regardless of what others think of our choices. If our loved ones have a problem with our choices, we need to have enough inner confidence to lovingly help them understand that we are simply asking for the freedom to pursue that which fulfills us.
Often the simplest roles can offer us the greatest spiritual lessons and self-satisfaction. Take, for example, the roles of motherhood or fatherhood. Not much importance is given to them today because many feel that working in an office has more prestige or creativity. Yet, there is no more important and demanding role than that of parenthood.

2. Overcoming Fear

We will need to overcome any fears that might obstruct our ability to give ourselves wholeheartedly to our goals. Such as fear of
a. Failure
b. What others think.
c. That we may not make it financially
d. That we may not be perfect in what we do
e. That we might make a mistake.

We are all in a process of evolution. Making mistakes is natural when we are learning and creating. It is important to understand that we are worthy and lovable even though we are not perfect and even when we not have perfect results.

3. Success Is Not Required

It is imperative that we free ourselves from excessive concentration on success as a measure of our self-worth. If our motives are as pure as possible and our efforts our best for our present stage of evolution then the results do not matter. Christ, Socrates, Gandhi and Martin Luther King all lived their life purpose but were all killed by the societies in which they lived.

4. Contact With Our Inner Voice

We will need to develop a deeper contact with our inner voice through prayer, silence, and meditation. Then we will hear the "small voice" of inner wisdom and know, within ourselves, the role that we have come to play.

5. Tuning Up Our Instrument

Even if we know our role, we may not be able to play it effectively if we are frequently ill, tired, nervous, fearful or upset. A healthy body and clear mind can be maintained through healthy natural foods, exercises, breathing techniques, deep relaxation and positive thinking. With daily practice of these techniques, our bodies and minds will be capable of expressing our inner beauty and creativity.

6. Surrender To The Divine

An instrument must surrender completely to its player. Finding our role in life means being open to whatever role is useful to the universe at each place and time. We need to let go of egocentric needs and realize that at times we will be called upon to do "great works", and at others, we will be assigned simple task.

7. Pray For Guidance

We can pray for purification and guidance as instruments of divine harmony here on earth. Through prayer and sincerity, we can become transformers of spiritual energy into beneficial works here on the material level. Through our daily meditations, we can receive spiritual energy, which we can then share with those around us in the form of love, compassion, understanding and service.

8. Belief In Ourselves And Following Our Satisfaction

We need to believe in our inner feelings and what brings us happiness. Happiness and inner contentment are signs that we are aligned with our life purpose.

9. Using Our Talents

We need to get in touch with and develop our inherent talents.
They will guide us to what we have come to do.

When I Love You Purely

When I Love You Purely

I wish for you to be always happy and healthy.

I respond to your soul needs but not always to your ego desires.
I joyfully offer my time, money and energy in support of your flowering soul.
I am happy about your successes, even when that means less attention and affirmation for me. I accept you exactly as you are.

When I love you purely, you are for me like a flower, a unique expression of divine energy.
I see your inner beauty even when you yourself cannot express it.

When I love you purely, I communicate with you honestly, expressing to you my true needs, feelings and thoughts.
It is impossible for you to hurt me, because true love expects nothing and keeps no accounts.
I allow you to find your happiness with whomever and however you are guided from within.

When I love you purely, I see you not as my possession and ask not that you love only me. That would be to limit your soul and obstruct your growth universal love.

When I love you purely, I experience your true Divine Self; as true love is divine and perceives only the divine.

I can never fear for you even when you are passing through difficulties because I remember that you always have exactly the tests, which facilitate the manifestation of your inner magnificent and the power to deal with them.

When I love you purely, I leave you in the proper moments to find your own solutions and answers, even though I feel affirmed when I find them for you.
Out of love I allow you to discover the truth which is hidden within you.
However, in order to love you purely, I need to become stronger and cease needing you to feel secure or worthy.
I will need to transcend loneliness and be with you because l love you and not because I need you.
It is not possible to love purely that which I need.

Actually only from a position of inner strength, self sufficiency and fulfillment can I love you purely
An even when you leave your physical body, my sorrow will not be from my love but from my need for your physical presence.
You are a divine being, which will have been freed from its material vehicle.

My tears will be for me.
But for you I will be happy.

Go forward my love,
You belong not to me
but to the Universe.

For that is what you truly are...
The Universe.

Loving the Wave or the Ocean

When we limit our love to a specific person (we do not mean sexually, but rather emotionally, mentally and spiritually), it is difficult to experience love in its highest expression. We love this person and not others. We tend to focus on a specific person, "loving" them often because they offer us security, pleasure or affirmation; or because we consider them to be "ours."

Pure love is universal. It can express itself toward any particular being, but it cannot limit itself to that being or group of beings. If it does, then it is love mixed with conditions. Each individual is one of the countless waves on an ocean of consciousness. The ocean is the One Universal Consciousness, which is temporarily taking the form of those specific waves and then disappearing into the formlessness of the ocean again before reappearing as billions of others. All waves are expressions of the one ocean.

When we single out one specific wave from the ocean of beings and limit our love to that, we are, in essence, loving an illusion. That being which we love is just a temporary manifestation of the one Universal Being, which manifests as all the other beings simultaneously.

That form on which we focus is a temporary physical, emotional, mental manifestation that will dissolve back into the ocean. When we love the water in that wave, that is, its spiritual essence, the spirit within, we begin to love all waves. The same water is in all the waves. The same spiritual essence is in all beings.

Then we love the spiritual essence in others and not only their form or the specific benefits that we receive from them. We love the spirit within.

Our love now becomes both unconditional and universal. It is unconditional because it does not depend on what others do or do not do, and universal because we start to love more and more people independent of their appearance, character and other superficial factors. We love the spirit within them. We as spirit are one with the spirit, which is within them.

So we can love the wave or we can love the ocean and thus all the waves. This is our choice.

Love is like the gold ore that is brought up from the earth; it is mixed with other metals (emotions, needs). Our job is to purify that gold through our efforts to love unconditionally in all of our relationships, no matter what the other does or does not do.

Only then will we truly be happy.
Only then will experience our true Self.

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Spiritual Universal Love

Spiritual Universal Love

A later stage in our spiritual maturation process is the development of spiritual universal love where wisdom or spiritual discrimination is now added to our love. We now perceive all forms as various manifestations of one unchanging, ever blissful, divine consciousness.

In this state we experience pure love in which we cannot distinguish between the other and ourselves. Christ referred to this state saying, "I am in you and you are in me."

Although, as in the previous stage, we continue to help and serve wherever we can, we are not so affected by the pain and suffering we encounter. We realize that the real spiritual consciousness expressing itself through that form has chosen to pass through that experience because it is exactly the next stimulus, which he or she needs for his or her spiritual growth process. We are now aware that we are all passing through the precise experiences, pleasant and unpleasant, which we need in order to wake up from our dream of this illusory material reality.

Although we are not affected by the suffering we see, we are even more wholly dedicated toward eliminating it. Thus, we love and accept all beings as they are while we direct our energies toward facilitating this process of our mutual spiritual unfoldment. Each of us moves forward in his or her own unique way.

Previously we may have tried to solve peopleÕs problems for them. Now we realize that the most effective way we can others is to love and accept them as they are and empower them to find their own inner wisdom and strength in order to overcome their problems.

We now realize that the main solution for the worldÕs economic, political and social problems is education.

We experience such "wise love" or "loving wisdom" from the highest spiritual teachers. It is sometimes difficult to understand their love and caring, which at times to the beginner, may seem like indifference, especially when we pass through tests and expect sympathy and emotional reactions.

It is difficult for some to realize that it is sometimes more loving to allow someone to suffer a little more so he or she can find the solution him or herself and grow stronger and freer from ignorance. Only a realized being can know, however, when "not to help" externally because this would be the most loving act for a specific person.

Many parents would do well to learn this form of wise love. They might help their children far more if they refrain from solving their problems every time they are in trouble.

No one should, however, misconceive that this text is suggesting that we should not help those who are in need. We must help, but we must also ask ourselves what the most appropriate help would be in each situation.

The greatest and most precious help we can offer to those we love, is to help them get in touch with their inner power and wisdom. This, at times, means helping, and at others, means letting them struggle by themselves while we mentally pray for them and visualize them in light.

For an awakened spiritual being to see someone cry about some unhappy event in his or her life or fear some future possibility, might be like our watching a small child cry about a toy that has broken or express fear of the "boogie man." We sympathize with and understand the childÕs feelings. We love it and we want to help it, but we cannot really be worried.

Those who experience this level of love sometimes do not exhibit the emotional display which others may be used to interpreting as indications of love. As we grow spiritually, we begin to understand, however, that real love is a love for the soul within the other, which is seeking to free itself from ignorance and the illusion of weakness and fear.

These spiritually awakened beings offer help on other levels through their positive thought forms, prayers or sometimes, direct contact on the astral level, usually in dreams.

In this way, help is given without undermining the othersÕ self-confidence.


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Selfless Love

Selfless Love

Selfless Love for a Specific Person

An essential stage in the evolution of love is being able to love others regardless of their behavior. Probably the closest most of us have come to experiencing such love is towards our children.

There are some parents who have totally selfless love for their children. They maintain steady love for "their child" even if he or she does not live up to the parentsÕ expectations, even if he or she rejects and abuses the parents, and even if he or she becomes a dangerous criminal.

This love is not universal nor is it totally unconditional because there is one condition, that the other is "my child" and not someone elseÕs.

We might also experience this type of selfless love for a specific person when he or she is "our student" or under "our care or responsibility." This type of love often has to do with the role of protector or feeling responsibility for someone. It enables us to accept all types of behavior from others and continue accepting and loving them with understanding and compassion.

In some cases, we may also feel such love for persons who belong to the same grouping, i.e. nationality, religion or social class.

In these cases, we do not gain something tangible from these individuals. We do not require anything from them. Our love is not dependent upon their abiding by a certain type of behavior or even reciprocating our love. Our love is more selfless but still specific and not universal.

Universal Selfless Love

The next stage is to expand our feelings of unconditional love and acceptance to a wider circle of people and eventually to all beings - including animals, plants and insects. This love, however, is still directed toward form.

We are focused on the temporary form being occupied by these beings; thus we feel a sense of sadness when they experience suffering or unhappiness, or if and when we loose them.

We perceive their form as reality. We feel love and acceptance for that person, but we still live within the illusion that the form is the reality. We forget that behind that form there is an immortal ever-blissful consciousness, which is just temporarily projecting that form toward the earth plane level. Universal consciousness is never in pain, never suffers, is never unhappy and can never die. That consciousness is the ultimate reality of the being or beings whom we love.

Those who experience this universal selfless love often choose careers or lifestyles that allow them to serve the whole in some way. They may join service groups such as the Peace Corps or other voluntary service organizations. They feel a need to express that love through actions which better the quality of life for those around them, especially for those who are suffering, lonely or unhappy.

Their interest expands beyond the limits of themselves and their immediate family. They begin to realize that all beings are brothers and sisters in one spiritual family of all humanity. As their awareness grows, they perceive even animals, plants and insects as belonging to "their family."

They seek to express this love through acts of service and care.

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Understanding the Sexes

Understanding the Sexes

Although each gender tends to express itself quite differently, most philosophical teachings agree that the soul is neither male nor female. As souls, we incarnate into a gender in order to learn through that experience. Through our experimentation with the various qualities of each sex we are seeking to experience our true whole self.

Until we do experience our inner fullness, we seek to find completion externally through a love partner.

This effort towards attunement with the other sex brings stability, joy, security and affirmation but is not without problems and challenges. One main challenge is being able to understand, respond to and find solutions for the need differences when they occur. Some of these main conflicts are differing needs for:

a. Cleanliness - order
b. Affection, sex
c. How to use money
d. How to bring up children
e. Social activity

Most of these conflicts actually have to do with:

1. Freedom vs. control = power
2. Who is right = self-worth

COMMUNICATION DIFFERENCES

In addition to these differing needs, men and women have different ways of and motives for communicating. Both, of course, use communication as a means to express needs, prove they are right and affirm their self-worth.

Studies have shown, however, that women use communication in order to create an emotional connection or bond. Thus the communication itself is the purpose.

Men seem to perceive communication as a means towards some result such as solving a problem.

Thus, we often have the situation in which a woman will start a conversation about a subject, not because she wants a solution but because she experiences a connection through the communication itself. The man however, feels that communication has only one purpose, to arrive at a conclusion or solution and then there is no more need to communicate. Thus the universal problem that women feel men are aloof and men that women are interrogators.

MEN DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT EMOTIONS

If they are talking about the womanOs emotions, then they are likely to feel that they are to blame and are being criticized since the woman is not happy. If a woman expresses an emotion, she usually wants recognition of that fact that she feels that way. The man usually does not realize this and seeks in the least possible words to convince her that there is no reason for her to feel this way. He seeks a solution. She then looses her vehicle of connecting.

If she wants to talk about his emotions, it is even worse. First of all he seldom knows what his emotions are. He has been trained a whole lifetime to suppress, hide or shut off what he is feeling. Secondly, even if he has some awareness of what he feels, he feels totally demeaned if he has to admit that he feels self-doubt or fear. Men in general do not like to admit their fears or weaknesses.

All of the above are of course generalizations, and there will be exceptions.

We have here a serious problem in communication in which each sex will need to understand the other.

WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER

Women need to understand that when men are aloof or do not communicate their feelings and thoughts, it is often simply because they function differently and not because they do not love their love partner. They experience unity, not so much through words but rather through action, such as working to make money and take care of the family.

Men on the other hand need to understand that women need to generate feelings of unity and love through verbal communication. Men need to acknowledge womenOs feelings rather than find reasons why they shouldnOt have them.

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